i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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