My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
