You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
