So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize