Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
