capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
