We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need moral support for this bender
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
