Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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