I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
