she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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