please come you make the beer taste better
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
