Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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