Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
