She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
