i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
