I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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