Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize