I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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