On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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