Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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