He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
