I'm jealous of your bromance
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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