dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
