Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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