i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
