We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
