the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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