I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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