Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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