For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
