My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize