So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
