i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
