9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
