I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
