I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
