Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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