a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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