took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
