Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
