Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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