my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
