this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
