She just used a chaser for red wine.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
