I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
