You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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