you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
