guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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