there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
