do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
