It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
