Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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