I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
