Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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