My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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