remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
