I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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