you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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