But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
