i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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