I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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