so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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