We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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