wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
