Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My bed smells like the plague
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