do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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