Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Small penises have feelings too.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
