Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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