Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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